In the world of parenting, “sharing” is often hailed as a cornerstone of social etiquette. Many adults instinctively encourage sharing, even in playgroups where babies are far too young to understand the concept. Expecting or encouraging babies to share toys is not only developmentally inappropriate but can also create unnecessary stress for both parents and children. Instead, we can create a harmonious playgroup environment by respecting and normalizing the natural developmental stage of the baby.
Understanding the Baby’s Perspective
Babies experience the world through their senses, and toys are tools for discovery rather than possessions to be shared. At this age, babies are not developmentally capable of understanding abstract concepts like “mine” or “yours.” Instead, their play is centered on their immediate experience and curiosity—how an object feels, sounds, or moves. Asking a baby to relinquish a toy interrupts this essential process of learning and exploration.
Sharing as a Skill, Not a Rule
Sharing is a social skill that emerges gradually as children grow and develop empathy, typically around 3 to 4 years of age. For babies, the foundation for future sharing behaviors is built through secure relationships and a sense of trust. Forcing a baby to share before they are ready can lead to frustration and confusion, while allowing them to follow their natural interests supports their emotional well-being.
We can reframe the idea of sharing by focusing on:
Observation, Not Intervention - Instead of stepping in at the first sign of a potential conflict, observe the babies. Often, what might look like a disagreement to an adult is simply a moment of exploration for the babies. By stepping back, we allow babies to navigate their interactions naturally within their developmental capabilities.
Intervention for Safety - Babies sometimes get curious about another baby’s shiny eyeballs! Save interruption for when your baby’s curiosity might create a safety concern. Two babies tugging on the same toy isn’t an issue, but one baby tugging on the other’s hair might be!
Focus on Parallel Play: Babies naturally engage in parallel play—playing alongside, rather than with, their peers.
Guide with Empathy: If a baby takes a toy from another, gently narrate the situation without judgment. For example, “You were playing with the rattle, and now your friend has it” This helps build emotional literacy without imposing adult expectations.
Building a Foundation for Cooperation
By respecting a baby’s developmental stage and allowing them to explore without the pressure to share, we are laying the groundwork for future cooperation and empathy. Sharing will come naturally when the child is ready, supported by a foundation of trust, respect, and a secure sense of self.
In playgroups, let’s shift our focus from enforcing sharing to fostering a love of exploration and interaction. By doing so, we honor the baby’s natural development and create a joyful, peaceful environment where every child can thrive.